Whether for health reasons, religious reasons, or personal reasons, so many people are either in recovery, sober curious or just taking a break from alcohol. And still, there’s a societal expectation that parties and get-togethers of all kinds will be structured around alcohol—so much so that it can feel taboo to pass up a drink. In a recent Into Action podcast episode featuring Sober Life Rocks co-founder Laura Nelson, host and Touchstone Recovery Center CEO Nolen Burchette said:

“Of the people who come into recovery, I’d say 80% struggle with alcohol. Maybe even upwards of 80%. So you know, alcohol is something that a lot of people struggle with. When you’re addicted to heroin, and you get clean. You don’t have to explain why you don’t do heroin anymore, you know. That’s it’s not a thing people just oh, well, that’s great that you don’t do heroin anymore. You stop drinking. It’s like you have to have this story about why.”

The culture surrounding social drinking makes it difficult for people in recovery—and anyone who can’t or doesn’t want to drink—to attend parties, gatherings, and corporate events. But it shouldn’t (and definitely doesn’t have to) be that way, which is a focal point of Nelson’s new book The Inclusive Event Planner and the podcast episode.

Not only do sober-friendly parties give people permission to be their authentic selves and keep their social lives thriving after getting sober or while taking a break from alcohol, but they remind those people that they’re not alone. For those in recovery, keeping their sobriety a secret can make them feel isolated at the least and even damage their long-term success at most. Sober friendly events signal to people that they’re seen—they’re not alone, and they’ll have a good time without being expected to drink.

If you want to throw a sober-friendly party, but don’t know where to start, you can listen to the full podcast episode below and check out Laura Nelson’s quick tips for hosting inclusive events here:

1. Make sure people know that the event will be sober friendly. When someone in recovery walks into a room, if they know somebody else is sober, they won’t feel isolated or awkward.

2. Think about what everyone is drinking. Give better alcohol substitutes than just sodas, like mocktails.

3. Don’t make alcohol the event. Make sure that standing around the bar or drink table isn’t what everyone is doing the whole night; find something else like a game, a comedian, a magician, a band, karaoke, a scavenger hunt, etc.

4. Make sure the place where you’re hosting your event is comfortable for everyone. Consider not hosting your party at a winery or bar. Maybe host it outside instead or if your event is at a venue, set up chairs outside so people can socialize away from the bar and loud music.

Things for party hosts to remember

If you feel like you’re going to compromise your family member or loved one’s sobriety at your party, it’s best to be transparent with them about what the event entails. Give them the opportunity to add a sober plus-one (or more) to ensure they have the support they need; give them the space to decline the invitation up until the day-of; don’t question their decision to decline the invitation; and make sure you still invite them next time as they gradually ease back into social situations. If you want to get sober, reach out to Touchstone Recovery Center at (559) 298-6711 or Visalia Recovery Center at (559) 702-5180 for non-judgemental, evidence-based treatment that’s covered by most health insurance.